May We Suggest?
by SkullsandDaggers
Summary: Madara Uchiha, tired of his subordinates, devised a plot to dispense with them... But when the plan backfires and the Akatsuki, Madara included, are transported to another world, what can take place but chaos? ItachixOC, DeixOC. Co-op by Skulls&Daggers.


Hello and welcome... TO THE GREATEST SHOW UNEARTHED!

ok, ok. no-one really reads these things so let's just skip to the disclaimer then, shall we?

Fine, fine. SkullsandDaggers do not own the Naruto characters that appear in this fan-fiction. We own only our OCs Nikki and Angel, and take no responsibility for any mental scarring that you may acquire while reading. We warn you that this is somewhat of a crack-fic, so use caution.

Nikki: uhm...somewhat of a crack-fic? thats a standard for us...ANYWAY! people get off meh page and get to reading!

Angel: Ahem... Alright then. As she -tried- to say: Without further ado, let the story begin!

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><p>"..."<p>

The bluenette was silent and still, unnaturally so. Was she even breathing?

"...What?" asked the [vampire-bit-me-in-the-head] red-haired girl sitting beside her, raising an eyebrow with a decidedly mischievous smirk on her face.

"...I think I just died," her older cousin finally responded. Her green/gray/blue eyes never left the computer screen, which was currently proclaiming that the YouTube video was over. The seventeen year-old twitched, her face as red as the younger girl's hair. "...The mental scarring," she mumbled, beginning to rock back and forth slightly. "I will never get over this. Never. ...Is it possible to feel your heartbeat at your hairline? Mushrooms, I feel like somebody threw me into a fire pit..."

Nikki leaned back with her hands behind her head, grinning with a perverse satisfaction. "Welcome to the dark side, Sister Angel. Your initiation has been completed. ...You wanna watch it again?"

"NOO~!" the elder female screeched, bringing her hands up to shield her (mostly) virgin eyes. After what the demented YouTube video had contained, she wasn't entirely sure they still counted as such...

A stream of laughter left Nikki's mouth, but she refrained from clicking the replay button. "Okay, okay, chill out; I won't push it again. But I AM making you listen to Bad Boy." With lightning quickness, she had brought said Cascada song up and throttled the speakers, making certain her blushing cousin wouldn't be able to block it out. She was inevitably successful, and the already astonishing shade of red on Angel's face deepened further as, slave to music that she was, she sang along in a shaky voice. The fact that Nikki had chosen another AMV was not helping the trembling fan-girl.

_"Be my bad boy, be my man, be my weekend lover, but don't be my friend. You can be my bad boy, but understand that I don't need you in my life again..."_

Seeking to further weaken Angel's already deteriorating sanity, she commented, "Of course, only the first two lines apply to you. You cannot lie to me; you know you'd ask him to be your bad boy in 0.2 seconds, but you'd keep him chained to the wall afterwards," she said. Her words had the desired effect, bringing to the forefront of Angel's mind the picture that had made her doubt the status of her eyes.

A vicious glare accompanied the reddening of Angel's face to an almost maroon-ish color. "At least I'm not the one who said 'Ok!' when I saw the Deidara video titled 'Shut Up and Sleep With Me'," she snarled, her voice a mix between a hiss and a growl. "And then proceeded to ask if it was an offer or a command, and THEN responded to my what-the-carp expression with 'You know you would too!' "

Nikki was largely unphased, merely shrugging in response. "Truth, dear cousin," she said, her grin still plastered to her face. "It's all truth. ...And anyways, weren't YOU the one who said during that same conversation that I couldn't have him; we'd have to share?" She continued before Angel could answer. "I doubt YOUR obsession would be very pleased with sharing YOU, though, in the case that you-"

"DO NOT SAY ANYTHING ELSE OR I WILL BACK YOU UP AGAINST A WALL AND MERCILESSLY SLIT YOUR THROAT WITH HIDAN'S SCYTHE WHILE I LISTEN TO A GOREY DEMISE AND _**LAUGH**_!"

Again Nikki laughed, partly at the threat but mostly at the undisguised fury and embarrassment blazing on Angel's face and the thought of how pathetic they both were for getting this worked up about _anime characters_. Hot anime characters, that was undeniable, but fictional men nonetheless. "Yeah yeah," she said, waving a hand unconcernedly. "The facts still remain that you wouldn't argue with Deidara and you'd chain Itachi to a wall so he couldn't get away from you unless you let him. Epic ninja or not, he'd have a hard time escaping from your evil little self. ...If he even tried, that is. He might not want to."

The elder girl didn't reply, opting simply to give Nikki a Gaara-style death glare. It would have been far more threatening if she hadn't still been queen of the cherry-faces at the thought of Itachi- no. We're not going there. For your sake, we're not going there. If you somehow don't get it... think M-rated fanfics. That should clear things up.

A yawn escaped Nikki's mouth. "Hhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh... It's 5 in the morning... We need to get in bed..."

Angel nodded in agreement and snatched the mouse, closing out the internet and proceeding to press the handy little 'turn off' button. The computer screen went black, leaving the two teens with nothing but a hallway and two open doors between them and much-needed sleep. Exchanging bone-crushing hugs, the cousins bade one another good night (Angel with a slight growl still in her voice) and scurried off to their respective bedrooms, where they threw themselves down on their beds and promptly passed out.

**~;~;~;~**

"Hello, Orochimaru-kun," a masked man with an extremely gruff voice greeted the snake-rapist.

"Hello, Madara-sama," the pale man responded.

"Are you ready to resume research?"

"Of course, Madara-sama."

The two men walked in silence through the snake-man's lair. On the way to the research room, they came across a very bored looking sixteen-year old Uchiha.

"Greetings Sasuke-san," Madara said plainly.

"Hn." was the only response.

"Well, aren't you a pleasant little brat," the ancient Uchiha sneered at his younger family member.

"Now, Madara-sama, let's leave Sasuke-kun to his moping," Orochimaru suddenly cut in, sensing Sasuke's most likely rude comeback.

The masked man continued to walk, eventually coming into a dark room. The walls were a dancefloor to a multitude of strange shadows that writhed in the flickering orange light. Madara sat himself down in a crazy house electrocuting-style chair. Slowly, he removed his mask as Orochimaru busied himself on the other side of the room, collecting both a syringe and a small glass vial. Slowly, cryptically, he made his way towards the living legend, syringe held menacingly aloft. "Madara-sama, are you sure you wish to go through with this?"

Madara growled in annoyance and impatience. "Of course I am! Would I be here otherwise?" he asked scathingly. Orochimaru stood before Madara, shaking his head slightly in answer. He placed one ashen hand on the top of Madara's head, tilting it back. "Forgive me. This will be extremely painful..."

The needle descended. A sickening pop and an odd sucking sound echoed through the still air when it met its mark. Madara threw his head back, screaming in agony despite earlier self-assurances that he would not give in to the pain. Instinctively he put his hands over his eye, ignoring the fact that the syringe was still lodged in it. Orochimaru seized Madara's head, holding it still as he attempted to calm the man. Several minutes elapsed, filled with the sounds of tortured wails, before Orochimaru deemed it safe to try and complete the procedure. He grasped the tabs on the side of the syringe and pulled. A bright blue liquid filled the tube, along with a deep red substance appearing to be of the same consistency and a large quantity of blackened blood.

Once it was filled to the top, the snake-obsessed man attempted to gently remove the syringe from Madara's left eye - an attempt which failed due to the Uchiha's continued shrieking and thrashing about. The needle broke off in the man's eye, splattering blood everywhere and leaving him in even greater anguish.

As if by some silent command, Kabuto appeared from out of the shadows, a scalpel clutched in his hand. "Madara-sama," he said loudly to be heard above the volume of the howls, "I'm afraid that due to your struggling, I must now remove your left eye from its socket and cut all nerves to prevent further damage." Madara heard none of his words, lost in the throes of his folly. Not one to waste time, Kabuto grabbed hold of the man's hair, slashing an 'X' mark across his eye and a perfect circle around the broken needle. With a pair of clamps he pulled the syringe needle out of the flesh. He then proceeded to place the clamps around Madara's now useless eye. In one swift motion, Kabuto yanked them backward, pulling the organ out of its place; quickly, he completely cut everything that connected Madara's eye to his body. As the man lay writhing in undocumental pain, Orochimaru, standing a short distance away, squeezed the hard-earned liquid into the vial. The Sannin smirked. Once Madara had recovered, the experiment could take place...

**~Days Later~**

"Quiet!"

The authorative voice rang out over the bickering of eight grown men - quite a feat when taking into consideration that some of them possessed very loud voices. They quickly fell silent, directing their attention to the shadowy form from which the voice emanated. "Now that we are all together, let us start the meeting."

After a few moments of silence from the Akatsuki members and missions being assigned by their leader, a very loud (and, as many of the members would agree, annoyingly high-pitched for a man) voice rang out.

"Look Deidara-senpai! Look at what Tobi can do!" Without waiting for a response, Tobi lifted his hands, forming with them a strange symbol. A large cloud of smoke came into existence with an ear-shattering BANG!, covering the entire gathering of ten, er, nine, S-ranked ninja. The mask-wearing idiot didn't count.

Many of the ninja were in too much shock from the sudden explosion sound - or rather, by the fact that it had come from Tobi rather than Deidara - to even notice that something was not quite right until the surprised, yet emotionless voice of Sasori asked where they were. The rest of the Akatsuki looked around, noticing in more than mild trepidation they were in fact somewhere very different than they had been just a moment ago.

"TOBI, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" a hysterical Deidara shrieked at the lollipop look-alike.

The apparent cause of their troubles put his hands up in surrender, backing away from the blonde. "Uh, Tobi didn't know that this would happen, senpai! Tobi met a man that taught him this! But this never happened to Tobi OR the man before!" Vein pulsing in his temples, Deidara marched over to Tobi and began to strike him repeatedly across the head, yelling as he did so that the orange-masked man was an absolute retard who deserved to be fed to sharks. Un.

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><p>Le gasp! What ill fate has befallen the Akatsuki? Will they survive in this strange place? Well... you'll have to read the next chapter to find out! Review, if you don't mind - it makes us happy. ^^<p>

hum...am i really THAT perverted, meh i honestly couldn't care less. well, reveiw if you dare, for if you don't...well my friends...lets just say a _very_ snakey man will be giving you nightly visits (yes, i just threatened you with orochimaru's snake-rape...DEAL WITH IT!)

*claps a hand over Skulls' mouth* Apologies. I haven't quite got her trained yet. She lacks... etiquette.

*licks hand* ehhhh, well i can threaten whatever i want. period. no arguments, besides, _I_ trained _yo__u_ dear older one called daggers. you should be thanking me :)

...If Skulls does not help with the next Author's Note... I promise you that she is NOT in the black trash bag... chopped up Higurashi style... *grabs Skulls and runs for the hills*


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